increaseinstability

[ Connor would like to point out to Hank that the reason he's reluctant to leave is because he's worried about Hank. He thinks that might not help. Hank didn't react to his concern earlier - he reacted to the perceived threat of Connor rushing his kitchen table. Which, in retrospect, was a touch dramatic.

But it's true. He's absolutely not in a fucking hurry to get out of Hank's house, and at least part of that is due to not being sure how to help the others. If he wants to help the others. He deviated to help Hank, not because he thinks he deserves to be autonomous.

...Does wanting to help Hank mean that?

Connor's LED doesn't stop cycling yellow, but his attention zeroes back in on Hank when the couch is offered. ] I don't need it, [ he says, automatically.

But just as quickly: ] But I think I want it.

If that's alright.

[Hank takes in Connor's LED spinning yellow, the way he almost seems to be lagging like he's got too many tabs open at once.

His nose scrunches a little as he makes a thoughtful sucking noise through the gap in his front teeth. Connor's clearly on edge, and Hank hates the something big and looming and protective rearing up, spreading out through his chest like little vines of warmth.

He's not fucking stupid. Connor needs him as much as he needs a couch to sleep on or food to eat (which is to say, not at all).

But... Connor wants him. For some fucking reason that's completely anathema to Hank, Connor wants to keep him around so bad that he was willing to break his fucking programming to get there.]

I offered, didn't I?

You n- you want a blanket or a pillow or anything?

[ Hank looks thoughtful, too. Connor thinks that if Hank had an LED, his might also be yellow.

Does he want a blanket or a pillow? Or anything? Hank self-corrects away from the word need. It feels...respectful. Connor opens his mouth to thank him, but then shuts it. He doesn't think that thanks would seem appropriate.

He feels stuck on Hank's words, on that correction. 'Or anything'. Want. How can Connor tell what he wants? Is it always going to feel as desperate and hot as wanting to help Hank? Will there be softer kinds of want for him to find? ]

...Anything? [ He looks back up at Hank when he speaks, and it's just that. Just one word, said in a tone that's somewhere between tentative and challenging. Connor isn't even sure what he'd ask for, but whatever it is, he doesn't want it to upset Hank again. ]

[Hank gives Connor a weird look, his nose scrunching up further as he crosses his arms over his chest.]

Within reason. [He is kind of unemployed now.] Why, you got something in mind?

[His tone is testing, just a little curious. What Connor would do with his newfound humanity, what he would "want." He was willing to ignore even the fact that he hadn't meant 'or anything' literally, just because he wanted to know what Connor did want.]

[ Connor doesn't think he has anything in mind. Rather, he does have something in mind, but he doesn't think he can ask for it.

...Or can he, now. Is that what being a deviant is about? It seems odd, to be given something for nothing. Connor's accomplished nothing since becoming deviant, he hasn't earned anything. Do humans feel they need to earn the things they receive? Like attention, respect...autonomy? ]

...Not yet. [ He can't ask yet. ] I'll let you know later. [ Which is pretty damn assuming of someone who doesn't have much ground to ask for anything at all, but Connor doesn't want to lie - he just also doesn't want to show all his cards right away. ]

But Hank. [ It feels nice to call him by his first name, intentionally and in his house. Connor barely registers what the receptors firing means, but one corner of his mouth twitches up in a vague smile, just for a moment. There's something in Connor's voice that seems to weigh it down when he speaks: ] Thank you.

[Connor's thank you hits him crossways, right between the eyes, but somehow he manages to get off with just a little hitch in his breath.

He grunts, looks away. Scratches a hand through his beard.]

Whatever. You're so determined to keep my ass alive, probably time I returned the favor.

[He thinks of Connor, riddled with bullets, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling. Thinks of twin gunshots in an interrogation room, and Connor's body slumped against the wall with a hole in his forehead.

The sickening crunch of twisted metal and broken plastic, and a dark blue smear along wet pavement. That one makes his breath hitch, and he twists around to his fridge to pull out a beer (not whiskey, but it'll do) so that Connor can't see the pained expression on his face.

He braces the edge of the bottlecap against the counter and forces it off with a twist of his wrist, and then downs half the bottle, muscles tensed like he's half expecting Connor to slap it out of his hand.]

Couch is yours. I'm going the fuck to sleep. C'mon, Sumo.

[Sumo, who also seems to know how close he came to losing his owner tonight, whines happily and raises himself from his dog bed.]

[ Hank wants to go to bed. That seems both entirely reasonable - in fact, it's a healthy decision - and something that makes Connor's processors all whir too-fast. Connor doesn't actually need to rest yet. He'll take Hank's offered couch, but he'll be awake all night. Has to be. He needs to figure out what to do next.

How does he figure that out?

Connor watches Hank stiffly start drinking his beer. ]

Alright. [ Connor's never laid down before, not since activation. He eyes the couch but then looks back at Hank. ] Goodnight, Hank.

[ And turning to the dog: ] Goodnight, Sumo.

[ And then, padding after Hank as if he wasn't just told to take the couch, he adds, ] Studies suggest that drinking directly prior to bed may decrease quality of sleep, even if it tends to make humans self-report more feelings of relaxation in the moment.

[ Connor is concerned, he thinks. But he's mostly just not sure how to showcase concern in a way that Hank will respond positively to. ]

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